So it really has been a while since I last stopped by. I re-posted a few of my fav songs that I had on my other blog and then deleted it since I didn't need to have two on here. I dunno how much I'll be here hopefully more often, I always knew writing allowed me to get out feelings that I wouldn't otherwise outright say or express in 'real life'..... Things have been up and down lately I'm not really sure how I feel but I know its not myself nore is it SUPPER DUPPER HYPER AND HAPPY more nostalgic, down, sad etc. etc..... a lot has been going on this month and I'm sure it doesnt help.
This month was the 2 year anniv of Jeremys accident (also probably playing into my fucked up feelings lately)... I've had a lot of time to reflect on things that have happened in the 3 years (year we knew eachother and then after his death). I'm frustrated with his friends and my friends... I saw one of them last weekend and it threw me for a loup (making me bawl my eyes out the whole way home from sudbury)... His mom has opened up a bit more; we've had a hard time with eachother - Not in a I hate you kinda way- but it was more when she saw me it made her hurt too much because she associated me with her son and in tern when i saw her it made me hurt a lot because i associate her with him... She e mailed me a big long e mail and it made me cry all about how I'm like the daughter she never had... I miss his family a lot but right now its too painful to see them even though at the same time i feel like thats what i need right now.
I've started Weight Watchers officially... Ive never been good with this type of commitment so we will have to wait and see how that goes- i hope i am able to stick with it....
On that note - I'm gonna go... Lets see how long i stick with this blog seeing as the last post was a year ago ish....
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Hurting...
Can't Bring Myself To Light This Fuse"
This is the first time that I've written out your name
This is the last time that I'll ever feel the same
Maybe I said too much but I don't care
You're acting still like I'm not there
Run, but you can't hide
Fall, but on whose side?
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in
Every word just turns a fire that you say
All I can do is light the fuse and walk away
But even I can't do that
I still back down
There's comfort in the silent ground
Run, but I can't hide
fall, but on her side
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you in
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
I'm calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling, God I miss it
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in...
This is the first time that I've written out your name
This is the last time that I'll ever feel the same
Maybe I said too much but I don't care
You're acting still like I'm not there
Run, but you can't hide
Fall, but on whose side?
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in
Every word just turns a fire that you say
All I can do is light the fuse and walk away
But even I can't do that
I still back down
There's comfort in the silent ground
Run, but I can't hide
fall, but on her side
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you in
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
I'm calling, it's early
That feeling
God I miss it
Don't want to live without
Don't want to sit this out
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
I'm broken, so deadly
You're just the one to fix it
You're calling, it's early
That feeling, God I miss it
Don't want to know if it's the last time I'll breathe you...in...
got nothin for a title.....
I’m shattered
And broken beyond repair
I’m jaded
So sick of being here
You fucked up once to many times
This time, You fucked up my whole life
And it’s been coming for a while
But I’ve been hiding in denial
You never quite had what it takes
To be a man
You should’ve turned yourself around
Should’ve tried to stand your ground
Now it’s over and there’s, nothing left for me to do but go
It’s been too long to make amends
So I’ll just go, goodbye, my friend
If you just asked I’d get down on my knees
But we both know it’s best if I, just leave
And it’s been coming for a while
But I’ve been hiding in denial
You never quite had what it takes
To be a man
You should’ve turned yourself around
Should’ve tried to stand your ground
Now it’s over and there’s, nothing left for me to do but go
Nothing left for me to do but go.
I know you've made too many bad mistakes
And just know you let me down so much
I’ll be gone be gone before you know
That I still love you so
But I’m sorry
And broken beyond repair
I’m jaded
So sick of being here
You fucked up once to many times
This time, You fucked up my whole life
And it’s been coming for a while
But I’ve been hiding in denial
You never quite had what it takes
To be a man
You should’ve turned yourself around
Should’ve tried to stand your ground
Now it’s over and there’s, nothing left for me to do but go
It’s been too long to make amends
So I’ll just go, goodbye, my friend
If you just asked I’d get down on my knees
But we both know it’s best if I, just leave
And it’s been coming for a while
But I’ve been hiding in denial
You never quite had what it takes
To be a man
You should’ve turned yourself around
Should’ve tried to stand your ground
Now it’s over and there’s, nothing left for me to do but go
Nothing left for me to do but go.
I know you've made too many bad mistakes
And just know you let me down so much
I’ll be gone be gone before you know
That I still love you so
But I’m sorry
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